Sportsmen

During a lazy hot afternoon spent watching the cricket, Lisa happened to comment that “a cricketer would probably be the best sportsperson to date”. After a bit of back and forth, we decided that our insights were valuable enough to be worth a blog post. Here then, with no further ado, is a list of 10 sportstypes in ascending order of date-ability. Please note that this is an ordinal scale; the size of the intervals may vary. Some sports have been omitted due to our judgment that they weren’t really sports. “Like golf! I mean, would you date a golfer?”

Honorary mention: Male models. Pedants may argue that these fall under the category of “not really sportsmen”, but c’mon. Have you seen those underwear ads?

10.
Jockeys. If you want a guy who you can throw across the room with one arm, jockeys are for you. If you don’t, then move to the next step. Then again, you might really like horses.

9.
Body-builders. Too much of a good thing is still too much – Lisa aptly named them “pumped up oompa-loompas”, and with the amount of fake tan going around I’d be inclined to agree. If only those protein bars were created by Willy Wonka, maybe I’d reconsider. Lisa’s train of thought: “Though if you want someone who can throw you across the room, you’d have come to the right place. And I mean that in a non-domestic violence kind of way.”

8.
Tennis players. Our unanimous judgment: Egoistical snobs. Not team players. Bad dress sense. Asymmetrical arm muscles. Occasional grunting. The only plus is that they are taller than jockeys and perhaps nicer to look at than body builders. (source: Leyton Hewitt.)

7.
Rugby players/water-polo players. We couldn’t decide between these two (admittedly quite different) sports. Neither have necks. Rugby players also have no brains, but polo players wear less clothes – but “not in a good way” (quote: Lisa). Water sport has an additional appeal on hot days, but New Zealand rugby players aren’t afraid to dance in public.

6.
Footballers. Well positioned in the middle-ish of the scale, footballers may not be renowned for their intellect and quick wit, but their bodies tend to be well proportioned and their ears are still attached to the sides of their heads.

5.
Cyclists. May suffer from similar lack of team spirit as tennis players and runners, but still rate highly for their nice legs and overall fitness. Cycling also appears to combine well with academic pursuits, which is a plus. (Swimmers, who we accidentally left out of this list, would possibly be ranked similarly to cyclists if you exchange “legs” for “shoulders”.)

4.
Yogi. We were initially very positively inclined towards yogis as a group, but then we realised the potential for ending up with the hippie/alternative/dreaded kind. Personal hygiene is non-negotiable, after all.

3.
Rock climbers. You would probably get the odd hippie in this group as well, but the outdoorsy adventure factor weighs up for that. Strength and flexibility are pluses, smelly shoes minuses.

2.
Rowers. Great bodies. Team sport. Outdoors. Water. No compromise on brains. Potential negative: private school boys. Potential positive: lots of money and a nice house.

1.
Test Cricketers. With a match that runs for five days, these guys have patience and stamina aplenty. They play a team sport, but also need great individual resilience to endure those long hot days on the field. Strength, speed and ball-handling skills are a given, and above all, it’s a gentleman’s sport. Now the only question is: batters or bowlers?